Life Update: Online Interaction Fatigue

Finally, a new blog after more than a year! But this is not the usual blog na pino-post ko. No travel blogs for now due to the pandemic. This time, I call it "life update". I've been uploading vlogs recently about my online shopping, food, and daily routine. This one is about one thing that I'm trying to cope with up to now - Online interacting.

So... I hope everyone's well. Given our current situation (na mahigit 1 year na), we have no choice but to keep ourselves safe inside our home. No going outside, unless it's for essential needs. No physical contact with friends for now, kaya lahat ng kwentuhan, bonding, minsan events, sa online na lang muna.

Today, I will share what happened to me last Thursday. I should've published this earlier, but I have too much time na sa screen. Imagine, from Monday to Friday, 8am to 5pm, maghapon akong nasa harap ng computer, typing and talking with customers. So, I spent time muna away from my computer and cellphone.

I woke up at 7am, feeling demotivated already. Nasabi ko agad sa sarili ko, "eto na naman, trabaho na naman maghapon." Work from home is our current setup. Kung dati, bago magtrabaho, nakikipagkamustahan muna sa workmates or mag be-breakfast with them. Ngayon, mag aayos lang ako ng sarili, mag aalmusal mag isa, at mauupo na sa harap ng computer at magtatrabaho. I ate spaghetti for breakfast. Kinalimutan ko muna ng bahagya ang pagiging demotivated, since I had one of my favorite food to start the day.

Hindi pa nangangalahati ang araw, ramdam ko na ang pagod ko sa trabaho. Sunod-sunod ang calls and complicated inquiries ng mga customers. Kung dati, nakakapag vent out pa between calls sa workmates. Ngayon, sa group chat na lang ang lahat ng hanash. Malaki pa rin ang difference mula doon sa physical mo silang nakikita at nakakatabi, at nakaka-kwentuhan mo habang wala pang calls. But I kept going kahit na nakaka-stress na. Until it's lunch time, I had ginisang kalabasa. Ako lang ulit mag isa because my parents were working, and my sister was with her boyfriend.

Few hours left before my shift ends, feeling ko drained na ako. Lumipas ang break scheds ko nang hindi ko nagamit sa pakikipag bonding with workmates. Before, we spend time sa lounge sa taas ng company gym, o sa labas ng office to smoke. Now, mag isa lang ako, and some of them are unreachable kahit sa cellphone due to different shifts. Naisip ko, baka hindi ito pagod, kundi boredom lang itong nararamdaman ko. So, during my 1 hour break, nag workout ako. I did cardio exercise and stretching.

But I felt more tired after I workout. Hindi ako makapag hintay na matapos yung work ko for that day, and switch to my cellphone na to talk with friends online. Until it was 5pm na, parang gusto kong mag shutdown na lang din na parang computer ko, dahil hindi ko na kaya yung pagod ko. Yung pagod na hindi ko alam if I was physically, or mentally tired.

(This was posted on my Facebook account.)

I kept scrolling, and reading and answering messages, dahil uhaw ako sa kausap (daily, since the lockdown started), pero unti unti na akong nawawalan ng mga salita. Hindi ko na alam kung paano magre-reply kase nanginginig na ako sa pagod at gutom. But I have to move once more. Nakauwi na ang tatay ko from work at nakapag luto na rin ng dinner. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, pagkain lang siguro ang kailangan ko para maging ok ako bago man lang tuluyang matapos ang araw na ito.

(Nilagang Baka, luto ng tatay ko for dinner.)

Ramdam kong pinagmamaasdan ako ng tatay ko habang kumakain ng mabagal (masarap yung ulam, pero hindi ko na ikakaila pa, hindi na talaga ako ok.) Noong natapos na silang kumain ni nanay, hindi umalis sa tabi ko si tatay. Siguro ramdam niya na hindi ako ok, hindi lang siya makapagsalita. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ie-explain sa tatay ko yung nararamdaman ko noong araw na iyon, kase ayoko sanang makadagdag sa alalahanin niya, lalo na ngayon na may sama din siya ng pakiramdam.

Toothbrush lang ang nagawa ko sa sarili ko after dinner, then I went back to my room to rest. That night, nagkaroon kami ng nobyo ko ng video call, and at last, nakapag vent out ako ng mga saloobin at nararamdaman ko. 

(Ako at ang nobyo ko via video call.)

I'm so tired of this situation na through social media sites or SMS lang muna ang way para makipag usap sa mga kaibigan. I understand that it's been more than a year already, na dapat sanay na ako, pero para bang hindi ako para sa ganito. Hindi tayo para sa ganito, at hindi dapat tayo hanggang dito lang. Gaya ng nasabi ko kanina, gusto ko ng laging may kausap, but as much as I wanted na makipag kwentuhan after a very tiring day, hindi ko na siya magawa. Nakakapagod nang humarap sa screen ng cellphone at mag type ng messages.

Nakaka-miss yung physical bondings with friends during breaks and after work. Ibang iba pa rin talaga yung may physical contact with friends, mas nakakawala ng stress. Dati, ok lang ma-stress sa work kase may katabi kang kaibigan to share all your hanash. Ngayon, lalo nang nakaka-stress dahil magkakalayo kami, hindi lang one seat apart, kundi kilometers away.

And tomorrow, it's Monday again. Nandito yung nagwo-worry ako agad kase baka maramdaman ko na naman yung ganitong pagod at stress, hindi sa trabaho, kundi sa paghahanap ng physical interaction with friends.

If up to this point nandito ka pa rin at nagbabasa, maraming salamat sa iyo. I hope you guys are safe wherever you are. Always follow our safety protocols para maiwasan ang pagkakahawaan ng COVID-19. Magkaroon tayo ng ambag to stop the spread of this virus, para makabalik na tayo sa normal - yung free na tayo from face masks and face shields, yung wala nang alalahaning sakit, yung makakaharap at mahahawakan na muli natin ang ating mga kaibigan.

Feel free to send me messages, tips, and advices to help me cope on this situation.

Instagram: eyardiph

Facebook: The Curious Anja

Thank you guys! Stay safe and pray always!

♥, Anja