May 2017 isn't Good for Me :'(

I'm serious at the moment.

May 2017 isn't good for me.

It's like in just a snap i lost some of my friends. Kung kailan may pambili na ako ng J.Co at sushi i can't drop by to see them. I miss them. I'm very angry on that person who caused this, & wtf she acts like she's the victim on the situation. We weren't that close but i trustED her since highschool, and until now i keep all her secrets she shared to me even i'm like i wanna fight her now and make revenge pero hindi kaya ng konsensya ko. I don't wanna go back to old, war-freak me. Every night napapaisip ako, napapaiyak minsan, nagtatanong, bakit ganon? Bakit kahit gaanong ingat at iwas ko sa mga ganong klaseng tao they keep on crossing (& ruining) my life. Hindi naman ako kabaitan, but what i've done to them? God knows mga katulad nila ang dahilan kung bakit introvert ako ngayon, distant to people due to trust issue. I already encountered lots of fake people, lies, broken promises, heartbreaks, etc. Ang liit na nga ng circle of friends ko. Why i still have to experience this?

Another thing is yung nangyayare sa Mindanao ngayon. Yeah i know matagal nang may gulo dyan, pero grabe na ngayon. Nakakadurog ng puso. And at the same time, i'm terrified. I really hate violence, i'm scared of it. Kung may mas nakakatakot pa sa multo, then it's the reality-reality na kahit saan hindi na nawawala ang violence. I still remember, one person i respect (until now, he's a manager btw) threw a joke to me over the phone out of nowhere: "Gusto mo ipa-riding in tandem kita?" It's... it's not a good joke for me! It scares me! I still remember several years ago, our neighbor (dikit bahay lang namin) died from 3 gunshots hit his head and chest. I was still awake that time, a moment later i heard cries & shouts, asking for help. And few weeks ago, an unknown person on a motorcycle passed in our area fired gunshots in the air. Dati every afternoon nagja-jogging pa ako sa lugar namin, pero ngayon hindi na because crime is everywhere, i'm now afraid to go outside of our house. I barely sleep, i'm even having nightmares sometimes because of violence i saw from the news. I even don't wanna talk about politics. Bakit ganon? I'm willing to surrender everything, matupad lang hiling ko-Peace on Earth (akala siguro ng ibang nakakaalam nito, nagjo-joke lang ako).

Oh God. May pa lang po ngayon. Ano pa? Ano pa ba mae-encounter ko sa mga susunod na buwan?